I wrote a review of Star Ocean: The Last Hope for Crispy Gamer, and it sucked. The game, that is. The review? Why, it was transcendent! I bitched about lazy, misogynistic game making. Bafflingly, Crispy did not post the above screenshot of a 16-year-old catgirl exposing her pubis to the sex-starved teenage gamers who adore her. Me, I’m more taken with the blond guy’s pose, on the right. Exactly what emotion is conveyed by turning your body into a giant “X”?

I also produce the “Internet’s Fastest Game Reviews” videos for Crispy Gamer. I don’t star in these, but I’m starring in a different series on the site soon, so those of you holding out for Teti beefcake will not be denied much longer (but I will not be exposing my pubis, sorry). In the meantime, enjoy these ridiculously quick nuggets of game criticism brought to you by my friend Scott Jones.

• Puzzle Farter
• Deadly Creatures
• 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
• House of the Dead
• Street Fighter IV
• Fallout 3
• Skate 2
• Killzone 2

My work at The A.V. Club continues unabated, of course. Last week, I went to San Francisco for the Game Developers Conference. I coordinated the coverage and put together a write-up of each day in tandem with the estimable Chris Dahlen. Check out the AVC at GDC page to read those write-ups and an interview I conducted with Crayon Physics Deluxe creator Petri Purho.

I also reviewed Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon, Opera Omnia, and Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure. That last one apparently isn’t selling too well, which is a shame. Buy it.