“Hope you feel comfortable with the Christmas thing, but hey, if you don’t, that’s OK with me, too.”¹

It’s the last DSTW of 2008! I began the Do Something This Weekend feature in January with the goal of giving people something to do that weekend. I was pretty happy with myself until seven days later, when I realized another weekend was about to happen. Since then it has been a hellish cycle of finding things to do, writing them up, and watching in horror as yet another weekend comes up over the horizon. Curse this Sisyphean litany, this relentless march of time!

Oops, I mean: See you in 2009!

Geek Out

Grinch! After my post examining the inefficiencies of Christmas, a friend joked that I must hate Jesus to advocate eliminating his birthday. Of course, I was careful never to argue that we should kill Christmas, for I fear the wrath of the “War on Christmas” types. People get pretty touchy about the holidays, regardless of creed. A couple years ago, when I was writing a humor column for one of the local rags, I wrote a piece arguing that Black Friday was the only true national holiday this time of year. I included this line:

But Black Friday is … the one universal ritual we have left. Look at the month ahead: a fractious landscape of Christmas, Kwanzaa and crazy make-‘em-up holidays like “Winter Solstice” and “Chanukah.”

Some of my Jewish readers didn’t realize that I was kidding when I designated the Festival of Lights a “crazy make-‘em-up,” and they wrote in with the fervor of a jilted David Pogue to tell me as much. One woman said she would be organizing her synagogue in a campaign to denounce me. I’m still waiting to hear back on that. (In fairness, most people were very gracious once I explained that it was just a stupid joke.)

The moral of the story is that during this season of love and joy, people get a real stick up their collective butt. If a cynical geek can’t break the ice with humor, what’s left? How about pedantry! The Merchant’s House Museum (29 E. 4th St., Manhattan) is exhibiting “Christmas Trees of Old New York—Roots of Tradition” (get it, “roots”?) through Jan. 12. You’ll learn the origin of the tree tradition and see some authentic reproductions of what a 19th-century parlor would look like for the yuletide. Be sure to share what you learn with your children, nieces and nephews on Christmas Day before you let them open their presents. They’ll be grateful for the edification, as kids always are.

Or, to take your iconoclasm to the next level, attend the New York City Atheists Solstice party, noon Sunday at Les Sans Culottes restaurant (1085 2nd Ave., Manhattan). Judging by their booths at Columbus Circle—and their newsletters, oh, the newsletters!—it should be a rip-roaring good time.²

Geek In

Maintain order. This is more of a suggestion for the coming week, when you may need a few moments’ respite from your families. Or a few hours. Hey, I love my folks, on both sides of the family, but I love them even more knowing that when things get tense, I can slink off to play a little Castlevania. The Castlevania entries on the Game Boy Advance and Nintendo DS have served me well through years’ worth of Thanksgivings and Christmases, most recently with Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Most of the modern handheld Castlevanias are the same, and they’re all quite good, so grab one from the used bin at Gamestop (or Video Games New York). You can thank me later, when you’re slaying zombies while your relatives fight over the estate tax in the next room.

---

1. According to a cartoonish president (cf. 1989 strip). ↑

2. Have I pissed off everybody now? Yes? Great. ↑