Just finished digesting all the announcements from the Steve Jobs keynote yesterday. Once again, they made the amateur mistake of not including every single feature I want. I don't understand why they never check with me first, but whatever. It's their funeral.

Take the new Apple TV. Online rentals, participation from all the big studios, HD downloads, blah blah blah. Still no FM tuner in this thing, though. I don't know who they think is going to buy a set-top box without an FM tuner. Even the AM/FM radio I got for $10 at Target comes with an FM tuner. Meanwhile, the Apple TV offers no access to our nation's lush airwaves, and it costs $230. You do the math. Leaving out the FM tuner is a deal-breaker.

Then there's Time Capsule, the network backup device. You can make regular backups of your data over a wireless network. Kind of cool, right? But when Jobs was running down the feature list in the keynote hall, you could practically hear everybody in the audience thinking, "Where the hell is the built-in tip calculator?" How this product got out the door without a built-in tip calculator is beyond me. Typical Apple arrogance, and obviously a complete deal-breaker. Cleanup on aisle three—watch out, ma'am, don't step in any broken deal. It's all over the place.

Lastly, we come to the MacBook Air. The whole idea of the Air is that it's light and thin, so they had to make some sacrifices. For instance, there's no DVD drive. I can get past that (although I don't see why they couldn't just use a DVD drive that doesn't up take any space). Ditto on the absent Ethernet port.

But then I learned that the MacBook Air doesn't even include a golf-club storage compartment. Come on. It does not get any more basic than that. I guess none of the Apple engineers have ever finished up a spreadsheet and felt the need to get in nine holes before dinner—that wouldn't be The Apple Way. Hey, Apple, if a deal breaks in the woods, does it make a sound?

So, yeah, great job, Steve. Can't wait for Macworld 2008. By the way, if the next iPhone doesn't include a Telex printer, don't expect me to buy more than two or three. Jerk.